Musings

[gothwalk]

Today is inannajones and my first second anniversary. This is a wonderful thing, and it's put a silly grin on my face at various points during the day. We're headed out to a restaurant for dinner, so we won't be online or anything. I can't say enough good things about being married to her.

Other friends/acquaintances have just announced that they're going to be having a kid. They got married two years ago too, there or thereabouts; they're not people we ever knew all that well, despite my having shared a house with one of them for a while. They're now living in suburbia, own their house, and are starting a family, and it just brings home to me how unusual my own life is - not wanting kids, intending to still play D&D at 101, and considering suburbia to be the second circle of hell. I think they're happy going the way they are, and I'm certainly happy going the way I am, but it's hard to believe we ever had things in common.

There should be a word for acquainatance/friend.

Time to get out of here.

Comments

Re: Um

[cheerfulcynic.livejournal.com]

it's hard to believe we ever had things in common is misreadable and risks sounding somewhat elitist.

The bit that always gets me is time lapse. I know the changes in my life and how long they've taken so it never feels sudden, but as I'm not as involved in other people's lives, I tend to have a snapshot of how I remember them (usually heavily influenced by college) and then suddenly it has speeded up to the point where wham! they're all 'different'. Then you look more closely, and no, it is just externals that have changed.

Re: Um

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

"it's hard to believe we ever had things in common" is misreadable and risks sounding somewhat elitist.

I can't see that. The only way I can see that is if I assume the speaker - in this case, myself - is so arrogant as to assume that their way of life is uncontestably the best, for everyone. And while I can be an arrogant bastard, I'm not about to turn everyone into me. And I'd kinda hope nobody would think that of me.

I think - hope! - they're perfectly happy; I suspect they are. The point is that there was a time when identical stimuli would have made them and me happy, and now identical stimuli have almost opposite effects.

Re: Um

[cheerfulcynic.livejournal.com]

It is certainly misreadable. Not if you were standing face to face and saying it, as it is very easy to tell then that you're not an arrogant bastard:) Comments written linger and are very much at the mercies of the reader. Maybe I've had too much of a dose of sociology recently but I'm even worse than I was before at not stopping at the first meaning a sentence suggests to me.

Anyway, on to the interesting bits - are they really stimuli or is it just a circumstance? A bought home in suburbia compared to rental is still a home and all that implies. A family with no childen is still a family, as important, loving and valid. Fundamentally, I don't think where you chose to live is a real reflection on personality much anymore as most people can't afford to live where they might like to anyway. It is what you make of where you are that is important.

Re: Um

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

Fundamentally, I don't think where you chose to live is a real reflection on personality much anymore as most people can't afford to live where they might like to anyway. It is what you make of where you are that is important.

Therte is truth to that, in this economy. But I, personally, couldn't live in suburbia. Mount Argus wasn't suburbia, really, but even it was closer than I liked, in hindsight, and it's bemusing through amazing how quickly the place has faded from my memory - these days, when someone says "the old place", I immediately think of Moyola, out in Churchtown; it takes conscious effort to even recall the layout of rooms in Mount Argus.

As well, there are still choices involved. S&C (not using full names, since I don't know what they'd prefer themselves) opted for suburbia over town or country because it was the best compromise that would allow them to work in Dublin, and have room for kids. But working in Dublin is a choice, and so is having kids - and there are some people who opt to have the kids without the space, too.

So even though the location may not be an accurate reflection of personality any longer - we're coming more and more to rely on small/virtual spaces for that - the choices that put you there are still visible, and still personalised.

Re: Um

[cheerfulcynic.livejournal.com]

It occurs to be that we both live in posh suburbia anyway:) What gets described as suburbia now may be more accurately commuter towns.

I cannot live in the countryside any more. I've tried and rejected it. Aside to being horribly allergic to most of it, the isolation and helplessness of it had me very close to breakdown in the 19 years that I lived in the arse end of nowhere. I would prefer suburbia or the commuter belt to that.

I find the idea of having to rely on virtual spaces to express personality stangely chilling. It is reminiscent of rural living, but with a different kind of distance between you and other people.

Re: Um

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

Neither of our places qualify in my mind as suburbia, really - we have walking access to restaurants, bookshops, and other elements of urban life. Suburbia is what you get in Blanchardstown, out around Monkstown (I think, not quite sure of the area I'm thinking of), and areas like that. Qualifying elements in my mind are: Built after 1932, semi detached or detached housing, streets that curve in an attempt to hide identical housing, non-essential facilities outside walking distance. Shannon Town is an example of suburbia gone mad, or was, around 1992.

I cannot live in the countryside any more.

I could, I think. It would require changes, but I think I could do it, and enjoy it.

I find the idea of having to rely on virtual spaces to express personality stangely chilling. It is reminiscent of rural living, but with a different kind of distance between you and other people.

It is chilling, in a way. I don't find it so bad, since so much of my self expression is in virtual spaces anyway (online, D&D, writing, reading). But there are the small spaces too - internal decoration, gardening, and I think they relieve that somewhat.