Career? Pah.

[gothwalk]

Putting your job ahead of your relationship(s), hobbies, life in general is a really daft thing to do, right?

Just wanted to clarify that to myself... I see a lot of it going on at the moment. I don't think it's healthy.

Comments

[carawyn.livejournal.com]

Its sanity threatening and soul destroying.. run away... trust me..

Just another thought...

[nisaba.livejournal.com]

What if your career is a part of your life? I can't talk from experience, but I have some friends for whom their career is incredibly important. Not for money or getting to the top of the ladder reasons, but because it's a passion of theirs. Like my friend Heidi who is currently working with the US government Environment department (I forget their proper title) and who has had an active hand in preserving and saving coral reefs in SE Asia. What if your work is something you really enjoy, just as much if not more than any other interest in your life.

I'd agree with not putting work ahead of personal relationships, but for some their work is their 'life in general', and I don't see a problem with that. In fact I'm jealous - I wish my work reflected my loves and interests.

Re: Just another thought...

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

I hadn't thought of people who love their jobs that much; I'm not sure I know any. But if it is in effect your hobby as well, then sure, cool. Relationships should still come first, though - anything else is well into selfish territory.

[silja.livejournal.com]

If it is for a long time yes. But, depending on deadlines etc, I think sometimes the work needs to come first for a short time.

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

Yeah, short term, sure. Overtime, deadlines, these are all facts of life these days. But this notion of breaking up with someone because they're hindering your career? Moving to another city or country, and leaving the rest of your life behind, for a job? That's crazy stuff.

Jobs

[cheerfulcynic.livejournal.com]

They are a very big part of what you do. They take up the peak hours when you are awake. Given that, if staying in a job that is not good brings you down, it is very bad for a relationship anyway. Bad jobs can be more prone to leaking into your personal life than good ones.

Moving to follow a job that you think will stimulate you may well make you a better person to have a relationship with. You might be taking up a chance to make a difference. If you chose to stay, you might find yourself blaming the other person for being less adventurous and holding you back. if you split, there may still be a chance for friendship.

[teapot-farm.livejournal.com]

Depends on both the career and the relationship. If it's a career you love rather than just doing it for the money, and a partner that you don't see yourself staying with for more than a couple of years anyhow (and a lot of people do seem to be in very "it'll do for now" relationships) then breaking up to move away to a better job makes sense. Depends where you are getting your fulfillment from.

[ailbhe]

Sometimes, that depends on whether or not you can afford to lose the job.

[carawyn.livejournal.com]

I agree that your job is a magor part of your life, and I actually do love my job, (frustrations and week to week problems aside) I think I'm extremely lucky that I do consider IT an interest as well as my job . I'm perfectly happy to do bursts of intense working hours so long as the employer doesn't take it for granted or treat it as mandatory/ use it as an expectation for even longer hours the next time etc.

It is completely possible for someone to love their job and want to spend all their time at it - the usual working hours and all their usual hobby and relationship time on it as well. I think this is fine so long as the person putting job first is honest about where that puts their relationship - The other partner in the relationship can't be expected to be "happy" about their choice and to carry on living with it. If a relationship is coming second because its not really a keeper thats also fine SO LONG as the other partner isn't being given the impression that its supposed to be a keeper. Hard as it might be, if the job is first, relationship second, I think it should be made clear that's the way of it.

Its more common, I think, that you get sucked into having to work all the hours possible because there won't be a job if you don't. When you're in a relationship and particularly when you buy a house etc. you feel like you havn't a choice anymore. To keep my job I travelled to Dublin everyday to a demanding job - I was away from my home, son and partner for 13 1/2 hours a day. I was utterly miserable and felt like I was wasting my life and my relationship with my son on the fact that having a job = paying bills, buying food. I felt angry because it felt like I was earning money for someone else to have a life, cause I certainly wasn't. I kept hanging in there because surely something would come up. I never intended to put work even remotely like that far up my list of priorities, in fact we were supposed to have moved and bought a reasonably priced house so that I could work less and have more family. Ha! What I feel passionate about now is that the whole thing was stupid. I would rather have worked at any job, even wiping George Bush's ass, if it meant spending less hours than do the damage I did to my relationships/friendships/mental health and my personality. The day after I said I had enough,I didn't care if I didn't ever work in IT again and handed in my notice I got another job at home. The consequences of leaving a job cannot ever be so awful that you should risk so much to keep it. If you get to do the great review of your life at its end, what would you likely wish you spent more time doing....??

[carawyn.livejournal.com]

13 1/2 should be 15 1/2

[crimmycat.livejournal.com]

If your job is something you do in order to fund your hobbies and support your relationship and life in general, yeah, it's really daft. That's an easy one to look at from the outside and go "Wow, that's stupid." Many people define themselves by their job, though, and never really look beyond that.

If you are a lucky person who really enjoys what they do, and view your work more as "hey, I can't believe they pay me to do this!" Then it's much harder to view it as detrimental when it takes over your life. Most pilots I know of are on their second or third wife. The long hours, irregular schedules, lots of time away from home, picking up and moving every few years, and uncertainty in the job market is extremely hard on relationships. Yet they wouldn't do anything else, even if they could - though they joke bitterly about it.

[fluffworld.livejournal.com]

Yes. Unequivocally, yes. It has a place, and if you enjoy your job, an important one. But it'll never be more important than other people.

[carawyn.livejournal.com]

ummmm sorry, didn't mean to be a moan.. you can probably guess I feel a bit strongly on this topic.... *feeling sheepish*

[gothwalk.livejournal.com]

No worries. :)